Hector Addison; his inception
Hector, or Max as he was known back then was supposedly born in Botswana, November the 5th, 1968, on a sinking wooden ferry boat, the SS Idi, to Brigid McFarquar, an English/Irish/Scottish/Welsh naturalist, and Imfusian Al BanCusi, the former Malawian government Minister of Finance. Saved from the Zambesi by a passing Greek Truffle salesman, they collected their remaining belongings and headed for in Frankfurt where they applied for political asylum. Turned down by the Germans as being non-Turkish, they moved to England via Panama. As an infant he grew up along the rich grasslands of Wandsworth and later Clapham Junction He was educated at Harrow, Wimbledon and Eton, although he actually only attended classes in Fulham. His father spent a year away in Dunfermerline working as an apprentice wheel tappers mate. This was interspersed with brief visits to the house of correction for impersonating a police officer, one Sargeant "Whoopsie" Tweedie, while wearing an Elizabeth ruffle around his private parts. When his mother produced her fourth child and was unable to explain it she moved to France where Max spent a brief tenure with her on small seagoing vessels in Brittany, learning French in the company of rough sailors. Although classically trained on the violin, he found a niche fiddling with the local musicians on weekends.
In 1981 Imfusian, embarrassed by the attention the Scottish authorities were paying him, visited them in Les Moutiers-a-la-Mode and decided they should convert to Taoism for religious conviction purposes. Taking the French name Smaque’agee, which means Secular Acrobat in Basque, Imfusian again left the family with a thousand centime note and a promise to send funds from Los Angeles. As it soon became clear that he did not intend to visit LA, Brigid moved back to London to the little hamlet of Vauxhall and in order to get work in a pizza parlour she Anglicized her new name. Therefore son; Max McFarquar-Al Bancusi-Smaque’Agee, became simply Max Smackage.
To work his way through college Max took a job at Dipping and Waytup Inc., Examination Printing Services, and at Christmas time made frequent trips after his father to Brooklyn, New York where he learned winter sports and indeed many thin-ice related activities. It was during this time that the authorities detained Imfusian on so-called trumped up charges against a major NY City developer. Max was forced to take work back in England as a shunter in the Waterloo Station sidings, and part time raspberry salesman at the Wimbledon Tennis Championships. Attending night classes for pottery at the Royal College of Art and supporting his mother on the way home, he began to sing and play xylophone in London clubs in his own unique English, Malawian, French, Swiss blues-fusion style. On his father’s release and enforced deportation to Argentina, Max followed him adding a German-Latin aspect to his influence, which he termed Gelatin.
Fearing a reconciliation with Imfusian, his mother took the rest of the family to Australia. Meanwhile having been drafted into the Argentinian Military, Max took a leave of absence to visit his mother in Melbourne who had contracted a mild case of bush fever. It was " Down Under", fascinated by the lights and tinsel of Oz, that he courted fame at local auditions and spent three hot afternoons in costume as the stand-in for Skippy the Bush Kangaroo at the Australian Ministry for Cultural Affairs.
Back in South America Max found Imfusian had left on a tour of East Africa. Using his new found powers of search and seizure Max happened upon a key, some code words and numbers and the address of a bank in Switzerland among his fathers rather locked up belongings. He decided upon a visit to Geneva with some of his Argentinian chums, notably Gerhardt and Wolfgang. Having visited the bank in question and somehow losing contact with his pals in the afternoon crowd he embarked on a world tour, culminating in the Philippines where unbeknownst to the world, funds had run low and Max had also consequently become starved of affection. That’s when he bumped into or rather on to Felicity.
Felicity Beaverbrook, whom he had met once before while working part-time
repairing toilet doors on Chinese trawlers, shared a small beach hut with him on
a promise that as a CPA she would represent him in the case against his mother,
in exchange for the Rolex he still wore and future benefits.
Spending months wearing a bark loincloth inspired only by the gentle sea breeze and Ms. Beaverbrook, he began to write his first musical work. Sadly despite his rich experience and musical tutelage, the result was a disastrous cacophony of infantile chimp noises. The musical compositions here have been substituted for the awful mess he came up with. We have taken the liberty of shamelessly using the only asset this useless reprobate had, namely a great name, to promote this work. The release for this was signed by Ms Beaverbrook in Karachi, where she showed us the power of attorney Max had signed over to her along with the watch.
So just to prove what an unmitigated loser he is he thought it was time to change his name, and in doing so he invented his own historical march through time to this place. At present he claims to have been abandoned in Boston and brought up by nuns and their cares, the local fallen women, at the Neapolitan Home for French Hindus. As a further hint of an undiagnosed but long suspected condition, he proposes that his lack of connection with the world around him was caused by the early ingestion of the tranqilizing drugs given to him by ladies at the shelter which were originally prescribed to treat their various dependencies. Further he claimed the shelter named him Hector, after a Trojan, and Addison for a TV character originally played by a balding actor in a show called Moonlighting. So from a back street shelter on Gertrude Avenue, Hector Addison comes forth, at least according to him that is.
